Oh, Canada!

One Friday morning late last fall, I spent the better part of an hour online trying to buy tickets to the coolest entertainment event in St. Louis in 2016: The March 6 Bruce Springsteen concert. Must have hit the refresh button on Ticketmaster a hundred times but never got close.

Disappointed? Sure. It would have been a blast, and Tom would have gotten an awesome Christmas present. But sometimes, one day’s disappointment turns into another day’s delight.

Banff, Alberta
The walk to the conference center each day.

Had we been successful in procuring Springsteen tickets, I would have said no when my boss came in my office one day in early February and asked this: “Is your schedule clear the first weekend in March? There’s this conference we want you to go to …”

And so last Thursday, March 3, my alarm went off at 2:30 a.m. to begin a 12-hour journey by cab, two planes, and shuttle bus – 1,748 miles from Crestwood – to a small town nestled in a Canadian national park. What followed was 90 hours in Banff, Alberta. Glory days? Indeed.

The conference was on storytelling in the digital age, a flood of technical information with one common thread: A good story is a good story, and it doesn’t matter if it gets told with paper and pen, a bunch of HTML code, or through the lens of a camera. And if gets told with collaboration among your colleagues, your friends, your families – all the better.

That was the work side of it. What I didn’t expect was the personal side. Something happens when you spend a long weekend out of your comfort zone in the Canadian Rockies – arguably North America’s most beautiful landscape – with a group of Canadian filmmakers and hipsters.

You see things through a different lens, both literally and figuratively. Where moviemaking and entertainment is going is extraordinary – think 3D experiences that don’t give you a headache and television sports that will project on your living room coffee table.

You breathe a lot of really fresh, crisp mountain air that cleanses your nasal passages and clears your head. You wake up four mornings to a maple-leaf mountain majesty that’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen. You eat bison burgers and drink a few beers with names such as Moosehead and Molson. You meet a lot of really nice people from all over the world, and no one seems to care that sitting in the restaurant are folks of many different nationalities and race. And you hear stories, which is fundamental to each of us.

I ran across a quote once that said, “Make each day a story worth telling.” So if today you don’t get those concert tickets or that promotion; if you miss the bus or your car breaks down, if the day seems unbearable, hang on. There’s a story in it, someday soon.

The view from my window.
The view from my window.

 

Song of my selfie

The SelfieIn 2014, it seemed selfies were everywhere.

From Ellen DeGeneres and friends breaking Twitter records at the Oscars this February, to Jimmy Kimmel attempting to break that record with the Clinton Family a month later, it was hard to get away from those self-inflicted, vanity-driven, smartphone photos.

Including here. This is a story about a selfie 32 years in the making.

It begins in June 1981, a senior trip for 10 newly graduated high school girls packed into two rooms of the Aku Tiki Inn in Daytona Beach, Fla.

I still have a hard time believing our parents let us go. But it was a different era, somewhere MTV’s “Girls Gone Wild” and the 1960s “Beach Blanket Bingo.” Girls Gone Mild, maybe, if you count fake IDs and skimping on sunscreen while our mothers were home saying Hail Marys.

Every life should experience a trip like this – lying on the beach by day and dancing by night – and I’m glad I did. Plus, I’m pretty sure those Hail Marys worked. The only real danger, it turned out, was sunburn and choking on the hairspray produced by 10 girls in two rooms.

TikiMan3Last November, five of us returned to the Aku Tiki Inn on an unseasonably cold, gray Florida day. It was during our 50th birthday trip, a gift to our friendship, and one day we drove an hour to seek out the same hotel in which we had spent those 10 days in June.

Can you pass through a place just once and remember it like it was yesterday? The giant Tiki man above the hotel marquee said yes.

Within 20 minutes, five 50-year-old women were frolicking on the same beach on which they played at the age of 18.

That’s when we took the selfie. But first, I took a picture of the selfie-in-progress. Looking at it now, I not only can see our 18-year-old faces; I can hear Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes” and Rick Springfield’s “Jesse’s Girl” — two songs played incessantly in clubs of the era — over and over again.

If you look closely, you can see a lot behind that selfie. All five of us are wearing sunglasses, perhaps to hide crow’s feet. The surf is churning and the wind is flipping our hair. But we’re all smiling.

Taking the SelfieAt the moment it was taken, I remember thinking I could see myself on that beach 32 years earlier and wishing  I could say a few things to five skinny girls lying on that beach applying iodine-infused baby oil.

For starters, I would have told them to skip the baby oil and invest in sunscreen. I might also have said something about not getting too attached to the music of Rick Springfield, but that wouldn’t have surprised anyone.

Instead, I might have said this:

You all will experience love and loss in one way or another, but be better people because of it.

You will have careers that come and go.

You will face financial hardships and emotional setbacks.

You will survive.

None of you will be wealthy, but you’ll all be rich because you’ll have children and families that matter, and friendships that endure – including one memorialized on a Florida beach.

A picture-perfect selfie.

A version of this was first published in the South County Times March 28, 2014.

Golden, girls

It has become, for me, as much a part of November as falling leaves and football: For the 19th straight year, a group of high school friends are taking a weekend to reconnect, rejuvenate and rehash old times.

Shopping at the Ozarks 2012. (From left:) Colleen, Beth, Stacy (standing), me, Janice
Shopping at the Ozarks 2012. (From left:) Colleen, Beth, Stacy (standing), Leslie, Janice

What began in 1995 as a way to keep in touch with our friend who had moved to Kansas City has turned into an annual fall event — equal parts pajama party, spiritual retreat, group therapy session and mini-reunion.

Most years, we head to a condo at the Lake of the Ozarks for a weekend of wine, relaxation and the outlet mall. But we’ve made trips to Kansas City, to Hermann, Mo., and to Branson. This year, we’re keeping a promise we made to each other many Novembers ago — when 50 seemed old — to do something fun and exotic for our milestone birthday year.

And so today, I’m waking up in a condo in Orlando, Fla. Exotic? Hardly. But the price is right and we have promised to avoid early-bird specials at restaurants and references to “The Golden Girls.”

And it’s with my oldest and dearest friends in the world: A group of women who graduated from Incarnate Word Academy in 1981 — Janice Vollmer Duncan, Stacy Stelzer Heinsohn, Beth Zang Kopfensteiner and Colleen Lake Scott. I have known two of them, Beth and Stacy, since first grade. That’s a long time. But time is why an entire year can pass without talking to each other, yet we always pick up right where we left off.

The weekends have some constants: Wine, shopping and something chocolate. There’s also indecisiveness over where to go for dinner and what time to leave to get there. But the good part is we know each other’s idiosyncrasies and love each other anyway. It is one of life’s greatest blessings to have friends like that.

We will do a lot of talking throughout the weekend, mostly about our husbands and kids. We will swear we’re going to lose weight by the next reunion, and we will dissect the challenges of life that have hit way too close to home, including loss of some of our parents, a couple of divorces, college expenses, the empty nest.

But there is music and laughter, too. We’ll rehash memories like sitting together at the cafeteria lunch table when our biggest joys were boys and our biggest fear was college. We’ll talk about how we managed to survive those years after high school when we thought we were indestructible. We’ll talk about our darkest moments and greatest achievements.

And this year, we’ll talk about turning 50 and still thinking we’re 32, which is how old we were when started these weekends. I’m sure next year we’ll be back in the Ozarks, but for now it’s all golden, girls.

A version of this column appeared in the South County Times Nov. 14, 2013.

Not done yet: 28 things I still want to do

OK, so I’m 50. Now what? Here’s a list of 28 things I still want to do, from Broadway to Blarney Castle; Mint Juleps to Mackinac Island. Why 28? Averaging one per year, I think I might need to rest when I’m 78.

  • Climb a mountain, any mountain and throw my arms up in the air in triumph at the summit.
  • See Niagara Falls and fight the urge to quote the 3 Stooges while I’m there.
  • Get a Library of Congress ISBN number under my name.
  • Dance with Tom on our 25th — and 50th — Wedding Anniversary to When Irish Eyes Are Smiling, the first dance song at our wedding.
  • See a show on Broadway in New York City, preferably Les Miserables but Wicked will do.
  • Watch a baseball game with writer/historian Doris Kearns Goodwin and discuss her great baseball book Wait ‘Til Next Year.
  • Shake hands with the President of the United States, doesn’t matter which one.
  • Wear a designer dress to a black-tie, formal affair.
  • Dance at my sons’ weddings, to anything BUT The Harlem Shake or Gangnam Style.
  • BlarneyWith Tom and my boys, climb to the top of Blarney Castle, the ancestral home of the McCarthy clan.
  • Feel the beat of a grandchild’s heart against mine.
  • Go to Mass at St. Patricks Cathedral celebrated by the Archbishop of New York.
  • See Matt graduate college
  • See Jack graduate college.
  • See Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
  • Take a hot air balloon ride.
  • Venture out on that skywalk thing over the Grand Canyon.
  • Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge (can you do that?)
  • See Jimmy Buffett in concert.
  • Drive the Going to the Sun Road into Glacier National Park.
  • Visit the Baseball Hall of Fame and have my picture taken next to Ozzie Smith’s plaque since I voted him in
  • Have a drink at a bar in Key West, Fla.
  • Stay at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs.
  • Attend a wine tasting with a world class sommelier.
  • Drink a Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby, funny hat optional.
  • Get my picture taken with the Stanley Cup (preferably because the Blues have won it).
  • Sit on the front porch of the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island.
  • Walk the Freedom Trail in Boston, Mass.

Just for fun, I’m throwing in five things I hope I never do:

  • Read an entire book on a Kindle or electronic device.
  • Watch an entire series of anything on Netflix.
  • Cancel my subscription to a daily newspaper.
  • Forget how to ride a bike.
  • Be asked to appear on an episode of ” Hoarders.”

MR340: Kayaks, then Crown’s

Crown Candy Kitchen was as much a part of my childhood at The Brady Bunch and playing CYC softball. My grandmother lived a block away, in the same Old North St. Louis flat on Montgomery St. in which my mother, her daughter-in-law, grew up.

So a day-visit to Grandma’s always included a malt at Crown’s. It’s iconic in St. Louis now, made famous by cable food shows and travel blogs as an authentic malt shop that looks the same as it did in the 1950s. It is a step back to a simpler place and time, with sandwiches, homemade candy and frozen confections that make your mouth water. Crown Candy is famous for its soda fountain and homemade ice cream, but it is its BLT’s that have given it its latest claim to fame.

So it was no surprise my younger brother Jeff put out an email one recent Friday morning for anyone and everyone in the family to meet him for lunch, and a few of us did.

Fourteen pieces of bacon allegedly make up Crown Candy’s BLT – give or take a few morsels. And Jeff was about to put it away – along with a 24-ounce chocolate malt served up in its aluminum-mixing container.

Jeff was passing through town en route from Kansas City to his Virginia home. He had arrived the night before – via kayak.

Eleven hours earlier just after midnight Aug. 3, Jeff had paddled into the St. Charles riverfront at the finish of the MR340, a grueling three-day race on the Missouri River.

In its seventh year, the MR340 is the world’s longest nonstop river race and was recently dubbed one of National Geographic’s Top 40 adventures. It starts on the Missouri River just west of  Kansas City (right, taken from Jeff’s kayak). Participants – this year 294 entries of solo, tandem and team kayaks – had to finish within 88 hours; Jeff finished in 65 hours, 27 minutes. He was 18th in the men’s solo division and one of 186 to finish.

He earned that BLT.

This year’s race was his second go-round touring Missouri via Kruger Seawind kayak. As we sat in the booth at Crown Candy, all I could ask was why?

“For the challenge,” he said, eating bacon. “To stave off becoming a fat, balding, middle-aged defense contractor.”

Jeff isn’t your average little brother. He’s a Navy SEAL veteran who undoubtedly has had more adventure than National Geographic will ever put in its pages.  But he’s a regular guy, and, if you asked his only sister, I would say balding, middle-aged defense contractor about covers it. Fat? I’d never say that. He’s my little brother, but he can still punch me.

But Jeff makes things look effortless and always has. Despite needing a shave, he looked none the worse for wear after spending three 100-plus-degree days in a kayak on about two-and-a-half hours of sleep total, catching a nap here and there at a couple of the nine checkpoints.

“This was 100-times harder than last time,” he said, having also done the race in 2009. “There was just no current, and the heat. I had memories of Hell Week.”

Hell Week? That was 20 years ago and thankfully, we had no idea what he was doing. This time, thanks to modern technology, family and friends were able to track him every 10 minutes on the river, including his 10-year-old daughter Mia, who was tracking her dad from Chesapeake, Va., and showing her mom Karen and little sister Katerina how to do it.

We used the technology; he didn’t. The Missouri, he says, is pretty remote. Other than Jefferson City, it meanders through the state past small towns and parks, and for the most part is a pristine, remote wilderness. He passed the time with books on tape and enjoyed the solitude. When he got hot, he says he filled his hat with ice from the cooler he kept behind him and placed it on his head until it melted — and then he’d do it all over again.

He says, he thinks this year’s MR340 will go down in history as the hardest one ever, but he has no regrets.

“The best thing about it was three days of no computers, cell phones, texts or emails,” he says, “and I met some great people.”

The support team

Jeff (center right) didn’t do it alone. Some entries in the race had elaborate support teams following kayaks with plenty of provisions and detailed precision. Jeff had our older brother Rick (second from right), a lawyer who took a week off to follow his younger brother around the state of Missouri.

“The first day I had him bring me healthy stuff — protein bars and gel and bananas,” Jeff said. “By the second day all I wanted was junk food.”

Rick showed up with ham sandwiches, Fritos and Snickers bars the second day and Jeff was grateful. At Checkpoint 8, the last checkpoint near Weldon Spring, Mo., Rick was late because he was searching for a White Castle. Thankfully, the MR340 organizers had food available and Rick showed up in time to restock provisions for that last push.

“Hey, what about the hardships I endured?” Rick says. “A lot of those small towns didn’t stock Bud Select. I had to drink Bud Light.”

Rick was at Crown’s too, also eating one of those famous BLT’s. He did a great job of informing the family of Jeff’s progress through emails and texts. He is kicking around the idea of doing it next year, as is my husband, Tom, but there would have to be a significant amount of training as neither of them were Navy SEALs in a previous life.

I asked Jeff, who at the time was less than 12 hours removed from pulling out the kayak on the St. Charles riverfront, if he would do it again.

He hesitated, but didn’t dismiss the idea.

“Ask me in a few weeks.”

 

 

The cover photos

Three photos grace the home page, and that verb is not chosen lightly: They are all photos I took with a Nikon Coolpix, all places I have visited receiving not only a feast for the eyes but something totally unexpected: grace.

The Cliffs of Moher on the western coast of Ireland; the Grand Tetons from a roadside picnic stand on the the banks of Jackson Lake in Wyoming; a view of the Wyoming landscape just west of the town of Cody, Wy. Places hundreds of miles — and half a world away — from my Midwestern home and places I never dreamed I’d visit in my lifetime. Places that moved me spiritually as much as any church ever has

The Cliffs of Moher, June, 2008: Stretching 700 feet up from the Atlantic Ocean, the cliffs are bigger than St. Louis’ own Gateway Arch. I took the picture June 12, 2008, near the end of a 10-day tour I was fortunate enough to go on compliments of my aunt, Peggy Foley. With the blessing of my husband and boys, I traveled with the a group from St. Louis sponsored by the Sisters of Mercy and it was a trip that quite literally changed my life. By this point, we were winding down and had one more town to visit before catching our flight back. But the cliffs were nothing short of spectacular, and you can inch as close to the edge as you care to get. I didn’t get that close. At that point in my life, I wanted my feet firmly planted on the ground. I had a lot to get back to.

Grand Tetons, July 2010: We had a family reunion in Cody, Wy., in the summer of 2010, about 90 miles east of Yellowstone. Three of the six days, we dragged our teen-aged sons out of bed at the crack of dawn and made the excursion to Yellowstone. On the third of those days, we drove through the park then down into Grand Teton National Park just to get a glimpse of what a friend told me were the most beautiful mountains she had ever seen. We didn’t get too far into the park — that’s a trip for another time. But we stopped for lunch at a roadside picnic area and ate in the shadow of these mountains alongside the lake. Best picnic lunch ever.

Cody, Wyoming, July 2010: Same trip; one morning Tom and I got up for a walk around the “Bull Moose Retreat,” the house we rented west of Cody for the Gibson Family Reunion. The view is from behind the house looking west toward the Absaroka Mountain Range. Wide open spaces. My heart was full.